This Week, mixed feelings

It's been a tough few days. My uncle Dave was diagnosed with liver cancer this past Friday and is currently fighting for his life. He seemed totally fine until 2 weeks ago when they admitted him to the hospital because he was feeling sick and not making a lot of sense. It has all come as such a shock to everyone. I can't help but be reminded of how fragile life is. Sadly, my uncle's body is already so weak that he really doesn't have a lot to fight with. It was so good to see him on the weekend, but so heart breaking at the same time. My heart aches for him, my aunt and 4 cousins. The youngest is only in grade 8 and the oldest is due with their first child in January. Each day I pray for a miracle and God's love and peace for the family. The whole thing is just so surreal, I can hardly believe that this is happening. It makes me so sad, there are just no words.

Our due date is just over a week ago. With that comes feelings of excitement, nervousness and some anxiety. There's the labour experience (which I'm less than thrilled about), how life will change with three kids and just the general unknown. At this point I'm so uncomfortable and each day seems more difficult. I've been amazed how much harder I have found this point of pregnancy than the first two times around. Caring for two young toddlers while being pregnant and having little to no help has been very difficult. I'm tired of being climbed on, sat on, poked at, having my shirt lifted up to "see baby." I'm just tired in general. I'm excited to meet our new baby, is it a boy or a girl? What will it's personality be like? How will this little person fit into our family? I can hardly believe that the due date is just around the corner!

I'll be so happy when all the doctor's appointments are done. Going to Abbotsford and setting up childcare every week has not been easy. Everyone said how great it will be to have the baby here (in BC) with lots of support from family and friends. However, everyone works during the day, has their own kids to take care of or their own obligations. In a lot of ways it's been more frustrating to be near a "support network" yet not feel the support. It's no one's fault, I'm not blaming anyone, just frustrated that life has to be like this. I didn't expect to feel like this when we were planning on moving back to BC. A lot of the time I really do feel all alone. The fact that we're in a different city also makes a big difference, even though it's only 25 minutes away people seem to think that it's much farther. So I'm preparing myself for these feelings to continue and life to remain the same once baby is here. There's a good chance that David may get to take a week off of work once the baby arrives (depending on when), so that would be amazing! Especially since I've been preparing to be on my own with the kids once we get home from the hospital.

So there's a lot of mixed emotions these days. A lot of sadness, fear, nervousness and excitement. I look toward the next couple of weeks with the same feelings and uncertainty, so I take each day at a time. I take comfort in God's love and faithfulness. I remember that He is good all the time.