Being a Stay at Home Mom, the Time Truth

Thanks to all of you who commented on my “Babies in Restaurants” post. It was great to hear your insight and thoughts on the topic.

So, I figured I would post about another potentially “hot” topic. I realize that people may strongly disagree with me on this one and/ or I may eat my words on this one in the future.
That being said…here goes.

This past week while reading the Costco Connection magazine I came across an article that immediately irked me, “How can you be busy, Mom? We’re at school all day!” (pg 25, Costco Connection July/ August 2010 issue), written by author Stephanie Ponder. The beyond busy SAHM (stay at home mom) is not a new idea; in fact it’s one that I’ve heard for years. However, it’s only now that I’ve been a mom for a couple years that I think I have the grounds to speak about the topic.

Firstly, being a SAHM I concur that being at home with the kids all day is busy and a full time job. I’m not disputing that. However, the article, as do many SAHM’s, talks about being so…busy that they don’t have a moment for anything else. The entire day is spent cleaning, cooking and doing things for their children and spouse. Is this really true?!?

I realize that every SAHM’s daily looks very different, especially depending on the ages of your children and how many you have. For those with 3+ kids at home and one or more not napping, this doesn't really apply to you, as you are in a totally different category. In my life, I certainly don’t spend the whole day cleaning, cooking and doing things for my family, and I have an 8 month old and 2 year old at home. In fact, I think that if women were totally honest about this topic most would say that it really isn’t the case. I don’t lay on the couch all day watching daytime TV but I could watch some during the kids naptime if I wanted to. I do waste some time on the computer each day. The fact that one of the largest demographics that regularly use Facebook is SAHM’s would show that I’m not alone on that one. The amount of mom bloggers and Mompreneurs also supports this idea. These women all felt the need to do something for themselves and somehow found the time to do it. I find it humorous how often I read SAHM’s FB status’s about how busy they are at home with their kids and house work, etc. So busy that they had time to go to the computer and write a status update about it.

I do read the newspaper and whatever magazine comes in the mail. I do have a nap on occasion. I do invest some time on my hobbies. I do enjoy a cup of tea most mornings. I do have some daily quiet time and sometimes I do nothing at all. I do play with my kids. I do spend time “working” on my home business each day. I do go for daily walks with the kids. I do make dinner most of the time and the laundry and cleaning always get done (eventually). Our home is in no way pristine, but it doesn’t need to be, after all we do have kids that will just mess it up anyways. We don’t eat gourmet, so I don’t spend a ton of time on cooking. If I actually cooked, cleaned, etc as much as the article says SAHM’s do, I can’t imagine how amazing our house and meals with be. I am by no means a super mom/ women; however I think that I am good at multi tasking, planning my time out and picking my priorities in the day. There are those days where I get no time to myself, however those days are few and far between (at least at this stage with both kids having afternoon naps).

The heart of the matter is this: why do so many of us moms feel the need to defend ourselves and our time as SAHM’s? We deserve breaks in our day to relax and do things for ourselves as well. I’m thankful that David is supportive in this and even on occasion asks me what I did for myself during the day. As a mom of two little ones, I “work” during the day, often into the evening and in the night. Why shouldn’t moms get some time for themselves during the day? The answer is simple, they should! If we worked out of the home we would be given a break for a reason. I think the same should be true at home. So the laundry doesn’t get put away until later in the day, or possibly the following day…who cares!?! We will argue that our role as SAHM’s is valuable and is a job; that’s why we’ve made it a priority to be at home with our kids.

Time for ourselves should also be a priority, and who cares if other people know that! There’s nothing to hide here. This looks different for everybody (reading, computer time, exercising, sleeping, crafting, etc). Would it be so bad if a SAHM told her spouse that she spent the 1.5 hr nap time laying on the couch reading instead of cleaning the bathroom? Would our spouses really be that disappointed? I don’t really think so. I think that we put a lot of demands on ourselves and can therefore only really blame ourselves. If we were all totally honest, are the hours in our day actually ALL filled with family/ house related activities and chores? Are we spending some time for ourselves during the day and do we hide or down play the fact that we do? Perhaps we should be spending a little more time laying on the couch eating bonbons during the day AND writing that in our Facebook status.

Is being a SAHM busy? You bet! But am I too busy for anything else? Nope. It doesn’t mean I get a ton of time for myself, far from it. However, I make it a priority to at least get a little time. But that’s me. Thoughts???

As a side note, I realized that the author of the article in the magazine is a regular contributor to other magazines, author of several books and maintains a blog & website. So apparently, she is finding time in her day to do some things for herself as well. Interesting. I suppose it doesn’t sound very good to say one has spent the afternoon writing on the computer while the kids were at school instead of cooking/ cleaning, etc.